Finding Strength: My Fitness Journey Beyond the Scale

Since I am the head trainer here at FittwithMaddie. It is time to get to know the Maddie behind the name. I’m a college graduate and currently pursuing my master’s in history. But wait, how does history have anything to do with fitness? Well, the short answer is it truly doesn’t unless we are going to be discussing the history of gym equipment and etiquette…which I do know about, but that’s not usually why someone hires a personal trainer. 😂

So, I'm here to tell you what inspired me to pursue a career in fitness

The Start

I began my fitness journey at 13. I was motivated, ready to lose weight and magically become popular, pretty, etc… That lasted for only a month. It wasn't until I was 14 and had started high school that I began to make fitness an integral part of my life. One of the catalysts for starting this fitness journey was bullying. Like many women, I’ve been verbally shamed for my body.

Unfortunately, shame is a disease in that it spreads from generation to generation and among friends and family. I had family members who thought I was too fat and snorted while I ate food. I was called Miss Piggy by some at the holiday gatherings. Diets were constantly talked about in my household with the women of the family. Every holiday, it seemed that aunts would say they needed to go on a diet after doing the usual cultural activity of stuffing themselves with all the yummy food.

Instead of making the holidays a holy time, a time for family, a time for eating lots of food, and getting back to it after, it was a binge and shame affair. Low carb was the answer to everything and the only way to lose weight. It did not help that my grandma would hype up my best friend for being thin and compare me to her. In my teenage mind, the simple answer was to get thin; then I would be beautiful, all my dreams would come true, and I’d ride off into the sunset.

SPOILER ALERT: It doesn’t work like that... not totally anyway

Back to the story. When I began my fitness journey again at 14, I followed the holiday wisdom of my extended family and did low-carb dieting and a ton of cardio. What this got me was a lot of weight gone fast… including most of my muscle mass. It wasn’t until I started following female influencers who actually lifted weights that I realized cardio and carbs weren’t the answer. It took a while to get over the preaching I’d heard from family members that “women aren’t supposed to be bulky” and you bet I got flack from family members about “lifting too heavy” or how “guys don’t like bulky women.” NEWSFLASH: Look up “muscle mommy” and you’ll see how wrong that statement above really is. 😂

The Right path and a little Perfectionism

I wanted to be strong. I wanted to have curves. I was tired of tracking my carbs. So, I started lifting weights and tracking macros. The weightlifting part was almost immediately beneficial. I began to feel better and even liked the way I looked a bit better. The tracking macros part, well, that became obsessive. I started doing extra cardio to burn off the items that did not fit into my macros. This began the cycle of binge eating to fill a void, and then working out to burn it off. I remember hitting a wall and realizing that I could not track anymore because I was driving myself insane. I had to physically and mentally stop myself from over-exercising to “earn” my food. I took a year off from tracking my food entirely.

Perspective

That break from obsessively tracking macros helped me rebuild a healthy relationship with my food. Instead of seeing it as the enemy, I saw it as fuel for my workouts. When I finally decided I wanted to get back into hitting my protein goals, and tailoring my diet for fat loss or muscle gain, I was hesitant at first to start tracking again… but I have gained a healthy mindset around it. I control tracking, not the other way around. Instead of getting angry at myself for overeating, I know that it is just one day and my body will balance itself out eventually. In a way, I learned more than just nutrition skills, I learned mindfulness and acceptance. I still struggle some days… and you will too. Perfection isn’t the goal though. We find meaning in the journey and sometimes, in getting back up. 

So how did I become a personal trainer? Well, I did it for my senior project in high school and the rest is history. Why would you hire me? If you’ve read this far, we’ve likely been in each other's shoes; wanting to lose weight, be accepted, become stronger… I relate to your situation and so I can understand you. From a place of understanding, we can create change, reshape your mindset, and help you achieve the best version of yourself!