The Mental Health Toll of Striving to Be an IT-Girl: Letting Go of Perfection in Your Home

The Mental Health Toll of Striving to Be an IT-Girl: Letting Go of Perfection in Your Home

I’ve been doing a lot of self-help podcasts lately… and I am a perfectionist, romanticizing type of person. You know the "it girl" types you see online and are just awe-struck at how perfect their lives seem to be. These "it girls" seem to never have a messing kitchen, always have laundry done (plus put away), and a peaceful, tidy, home. You know the one? 

Now there is nothing wrong if you are one of these magical creatures that were discovered (and possibly invented in 2024.) I am not trying to hate on you in the slightest. I actually wish I could be one of you most of the time. Cue the Part of Your World song from The Little Mermaid.

However, it is not realistic for most people, and those "it girls" probably don't have it together 24/7. The thing is that I constantly compare myself and try to be this person(the "it girl") so much so that if everything isn’t in its place I have a meltdown that rivals a 3-year-old.

When other people in the household leave their stuff out, I find that I get extremely frustrated because they are ruining my it-girl aesthetic. Yes, I said that word. I want to be the woman who always has her life seemingly together. The society's pressure on women, whether that’s either a mother, single, a full-time working woman, to have this perfect house while trying to balance other responsibilities besides the house is crazy.

Maybe you have a man in your life who works the same amount of hours as you do. The difference is, they come home from work, kick off their shoes, and sit on the couch for the rest of the night while you come home and have to prepare dinner, maybe work out, pick up the house, do the laundry, wash your hair that night, do the dishes and by the time all that’s done it’s 9:30 at night. Some jealousy and bitterness can start to develop. Now this blog post isn’t about hating on men or any sort of partner you might have. Maybe they weren't raised to see the dishes in the sink that need to be washed or the dog fur on the floor that needs to be vaccumed up. They were raised to play and why can't we? We weren't born into this world with the job title of "It-Girl or girl boss." We were just born... the same as them. These extra words that descibe what a woman should be just puts added pressure and shame when we do not meet these standards.

[side note: if you do have a partner that you feel resentment building up, talk to them about your needs and how you are feeling. It could lead to a reorganization of chores and find a compromise for everyone in your household. It does wonders trust me].  

In this blog post, I am going to teach you how to rethink everything that society tells to women how to live our lives. Social media, specifically, has reconstructed how we “should” have our lives. That “should” doesn’t mean that we have to. That "should" is a pressure of what other people or society has told you that these are the responsibility of a woman or better yet the narrative we are telling ourselves because of what other people have said to us. 

The most important fact is: you don’t have to have the perfect, aesthetic life.

Consider this statement of: I feel like my house should be cleaned all the time. Where does the "should" and expectation come from? Why does your house need to be clean? Will you be more accepted? Maybe you like it more picked up because it helps your mental health like me. But having it spotless all-the-time when you are coming and going isn’t something you have to do, but we put that pressure on ourselves because we think others have it together, therefore we should also.

Think of this: your house should work for you, not the other way around. 

This saying that I got off the Mel Robbins podcast link here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLGT9ZmkRb4&themeRefresh=1 changed my perspective greatly.  I feel as though when I come home from work, or the days where I’m working a double shift, that my house needs to be the spitting image of a magazine and that’s not true!!!

You have your house, apartment, or wherever you live. You pay the bills. The house doesn’t care if it’s cleaned or not. It’s not your boss staring down at you saying “Do this now or else”. The thing is yes, your house being clean helps with fewer repairs and prevents toxic mold from growing. I’m not saying to live like a slob. I’m simply saying let yourself rest. It’s okay if those dishes soak extra long. It’s okay if that bathroom doesn’t get cleaned in two weeks. You're busy. That doesn’t mean you are less worthy because you don’t fit in with the "it-girl" mentality or lifestyle. I bet you that their houses don’t even look like that 100% of the time. They probably stuff all those shoes, toys, animal beds, piles of laundry into the closet just like we do when we have company come over; or in those influencers case... when their camera turns on.

And the wild thing is… no one is handing out gold stars for this. No one’s going to come knocking on your door at 10 pm and say, “Wow, congrats on folding that last load of towels even though you’re running on fumes.” Nope. That moment? That’s just you. You versus this internalized version of what “should” be done. And let me tell you, that version is relentless. It doesn’t sleep. It doesn’t care that you worked all day, that your feet hurt, that your brain is fried. It just says: do more. Be better. Look like her.

But who is she, really? That “it girl”? She’s curated. She’s filtered. She’s standing in a room that was probably trashed five minutes before the photo was taken, with a candle burning and her coffee sitting just right for the aesthetic. You’re not broken for not being her. You’re just living in real life. And real life is messy. It’s chaotic. Sometimes it’s crumbs on the counter and mismatched socks and dry shampoo for the third day in a row. And that’s not failure. That’s life.

And honestly, sometimes the meltdown isn’t even about the sock on the floor or the cereal bowl in the sink. It’s about being tired. Overwhelmed. It’s about carrying a mental checklist so long you could wrap it around your whole house like a string of Christmas lights. It’s about feeling like if you don’t hold it all together, it’ll all fall apart. But maybe—just maybe—it wouldn’t. Maybe if you let it go for a minute, nothing bad would happen. The world wouldn’t end. You’d just get a moment to breathe.

Because here’s the truth: being the woman who “has it all together” isn’t about perfection. It’s about knowing when to rest. When to say, this is enough for today. When to realize that the aesthetic isn’t worth your peace.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is leave the dishes in the sink, pour a glass of water, and sit down. Sometimes the most radical act is saying, “I matter more than this mess.” Because you do. You’re not a machine. You’re a human being with limits and needs and feelings. And that’s not weakness—that’s wisdom.

So the next time you feel that storm bubbling up inside because someone left their jacket on the chair or their water cup on the table, try asking yourself: is this really about the cup? Or is this about me feeling like I don’t have space to just exist in my own home without carrying the weight of perfection.

Your home should be a soft place to land, not another performance stage. And that aesthetic you’re chasing? It’s not worth burning yourself out over. You are allowed to exist in a space that isn’t always perfectly posed. You are allowed to be tired. You are allowed to not always be okay.

And here’s a little reminder: the people that love you? They love you. Not your vacuum lines in the carpet. Not your matching towel sets. Not your perfectly color-coded pantry. They love your laugh, your weird jokes, and the way you light up when you talk about something you care about. That’s what matters.

So take a break. Let the laundry sit because it is a never ending cycle. Let the counter be cluttered. You’re doing your best. And that’s more than enough.